


A fluffy highschool lovestory

by PajoWooolf



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, High School, Love, M/M, Sexuality Crisis, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:01:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29517081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PajoWooolf/pseuds/PajoWooolf
Summary: This is a Wolfstar fanfic with backgroung Jily.Highschool/modern (fluffy) AUSirius black never thought much of Remus Lupin, until he had to spend time with him and had to establish that this boy would quickly turn his life upside-down and put Sirius into the horrible role of a lovesick boy who had to choose in the end.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter one: School work

**Author's Note:**

> Englisch is not my first language so sorry for misunderstandings.  
> this is my first fic i am excited!!  
> TW for the whole fic: abuse, homophobia, assault, anxiety, smut, alcohol use, trauma, past trauma, abusive parents, coming-out

Sirius´ pov

It`s the first day of school after the winter holidays and sirius woke up to his mothers´ shrill voice screaming his name. He imediatley jumped out of bed, walked down the stairs to the living room where his mother was already waiting for him.

„You will put on your new chlothes today and you will not get yourself into any trouble!“  
Sirus didn´t look into his mothers eyes and only nodded silently in response.  
„Look at me when I`m speaking to you!“, his mother said in a deep almost terrifying voice as she roughly grabed sirius` wrist, „if you make one mistake,I will personally pick you up from school and sent you to your brothers` boarding school, do you understand?“  
„Yes“ Sirius responded in a whisper.  
„What did you say?“ Walburga asked him as she grabed onto his wrists tighter,  
„Yes mother.“   
„Thats what I thought, now go change! You better not be late today.“  
And with that she let go of his wrist and he imediatley walked back upstairs to his room to change into the , in his opinion, ugly new clothes his mother had bought him. As he looked into the mirror a few minutes later he made an disguised face and turned away to grab his backpack and headed towards the door.

As he arrived at school he directly ran into his best friend James who made a suprised but not unhappy face as he padded him onto the back and said:  
„Hiya mate , you alright?And what´s up with those horrible looking clothes?“  
Sirius nodded in response „Yeah,yeah I`m fine, only my mother being her ususal bitch-self so nothing out of the ordinary.“  
„I´m sorry mate, lets head to class, shall we?“

Sirius shrugged in response and they walked through the school gates to their first period, History. 

As they entered the class room Sirius` eyes fell onto a tall, brown haired boy in a green jumper who sat next to a rather small and curvy readhead.  
Sirius groaned and James´ eyes followed his gaze, he looked as unpleased as Sirius did and muttered silently under his breath , just for Sirius to hear:  
„Lets sit as far awy from them as possible , I cant stand to hear their voices this early in the morning“ .  
Sirius chuckled lightly and they went to sit next to a chubby boy called Peter they already know from many of their classes. The two friends pulled out pen and paper and started to write down everything their old and rather boring teacher said in the next 45 minutes. 

„And to start off this term You will prepare a detailed essay about one oft he 10 topics I mentioned earlier. I expect your essays to be at least ten pages long! You will work in groups of two people.“  
Annoyed whispers started to fill the class room with noise and Sirius groaned in annoyance.  
„Mate, at least we can work together, right?“ James whispered to his friends as he nudged him into the rips.

The proffesor might have sensed that students begin to talk to their prefered partner so he continued in a louder voice:  
„In groups of two people I have already assigned.“ 

Most of the students didn´t react well to that statement and annoyed groans and protests filled the room.  
The proffessor continued to tell them who works with who.   
James was assigned to work with Peter who seemed quite happy about that. Sirius still hoped to be assigned with one of his football teammates but he remained unlucky.  
„…and Lupin is going to work with Black.“ The proffesor announced , „partners cannot be changed and I expect you all to behave well and friendly. The essays are due to in three weeks so you will have enough time to accomplish well written and detailed essays. I hope that i must not remind you that everyone should do their parts in this group work.“ 

Sirius was quiet shocked and he loudly complained to James:  
„I can´t work with Lupin! He is an annoying prick and a huge know-it-all just like his ginger friend! I can´t keep up with this I thought sharing a class with that prick is enough torture for one to take!“  
James only laughed at this,  
„Well I think you are being tested , how long it´s going to last until you want to kill that prick.“  
„Come on mate I mean sereously? It could have been literally anyone but him! Show some pity for me.“   
„I guess you´re still lucky, I mean he has perfect grades and stuff and you really suck at History so it might not be too bad to get your work done by him.“  
With that James earned himself an annoyed glare from Sirius`side, but Sirius decided to ignore his issue and pitied himself in silece as they walked around the school grounds to their next lesson.

The rest oft he day turned out to be better than the start and Sirius almost forgott that he had to get in contact with Remus Lupin sooner or later. After his last period he walked down the corridor to leave school but stopped in his tracks as he felt a hand on his shoulder. It couldn´t be James, he had already gotten himself into detention on the first day of school because he caused a scene in one of his classes. He pulled himself away harshly and turned around to see who was trying to get his attention. He groaned inwardly because no other than Remus Lupin stood there with books in his hands.

„I wanted to talk to you about our History essay.“  
Sirius rolled his eyes : „What do you wnat to talk about? I`m sure that you won´t need my help so why make this worse for the both of us?“  
Remus laughed coldy at his face: „ I bet that´s how you work with others but I indeed need you for the essay. Meet me on Thursday in the libary at three. Don´t be late alright?“  
Sirius opend his mouth to protest but Remus had already passed him and headed towards the parking lot behind the school gates. 

Sirius was quite suprised by Remus being confident enough to tell him, Sirius Black, probably the most attractive and well known boy at their school what to do. But he remembered James´words, it was probably fort he best if he just went along to get a good grade which would also be in his mothers` favor. He sighed to himself and walked out of school, kind of annoyed to be late for his bus beacause oft hat prick Remus Lupin.

Thursday came around pretty quickly, Sirius found himself at the entrace oft he school libary being five minutes to early. As Remus approached him only a few moments later, he imediatley sensed the tension between them and the fact that neither of them wanted to spend their afternoon in the libary with eachther.  
Remus greeted him with a curt nodd he replied to with a strict smile. 

They walked around the libary and sat down on a table far away from any people.  
Remus began to pull out his macBook and books out of his backback so Sirius did the same. He glanced at the boy sitting oppositte of him and his focus fell onto a light scar from above the other boys´ right eyebrow to his left cheek. For a small moment Sirius felt the urge to asked what had happened and if he was okay but he quickly came back to his senses and reminded himself that it was not only none of his buisness but also that it would come off a rude and noisy from his side. 

His thoughts were interrupted by Remus,  
„So I would say you could go look for some information about the topic online but you could also try and find some related books here.“  
„Yeah i will do that. Can I ask what you are going to do?“ Sirius responded with a cocky undertone.  
„I will basically do the rest, I will research myself and then I will write and structure the essay. I hope that you won`t be overburdened with your tasks.“ Remus said cooly as he quircked an eyebrow.   
Sirius,a little taken aback, rolled his eyes and began to research online.

They worked in silence meanwhile Sirius caught himself glancing over to the other boy a few times which frustrated him a little because he couldn´t understand what led him to such a silly behavior.  
But he couldn´t help it. Maybe remus Lupin was´nt too bad after all. He seemed so peaceful and Sirius had to admitt that it was nice of him doing the whole work while letting Sirius research a bit and watch him work.

After about three hours of working in almost complete silence,exept for when they shared information regarding their topic with the other of when they helped eachother a bit, Remus suddenly shut down his macBook and looked at Sirius tiredly,  
„I guess i can also just finish the rest at home so we don`t have to sit here all night long.“  
„Yeah if you say so“, Sirius responded while turning off his own macBook. He actually didint mind spending hours here in the library, everywhere was better than home where he could run into his crazy mother only to be screamed at.  
They packed up in silence and walked out oft he libary.

„Well i didn´t know that you could be decent at all, Black. I will see you around.“ Remus said with a small smile on his lips.   
It was a very pretty smile, Sirius tought.  
Sirius could only smile back and watch Remus head into the different direction .   
Well, Sirius thought, you aren`t that big of a prick yourself.

\-----


	2. Drinking Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW. abue/ mention of abuse.
> 
> thanks for reading, take care!!

Chapter 2  
Sirius woke up early this Tuesday. He needed a few seconds to come back to his senses and organize his thoughts. Then it hit him. This was the second time Sirius had dreamed of remus Lupin since they worked on their project two weeks ago. He inwardly cursed himself and tried to forgett about it since it only confused him.

He had sucsessfully held himself away from trouble which meant less arguments with his so „lovely“ mother but also disappointed looks and hints from his best friend James when Sirius told him that he had to pull pranks alone. 

So when he sat in the bus on his way to school that day he was, to his own irritation, the main topic of a few girls sitting across from him. He looked up occasionally and gave them his best Sirius Black grin which led to huge giggle interwalls and lots of whispering. 

Sirius would lie if he said that he didn´t enjoy the attention he got from the opposite sex on a daily basis but he still doesn´t show any real interest in the opposite sex. Not that he is gay or something like that , no of course not he just preferes to hang with his mate james and play football.

But his interests have also slightly changed over the last few weeks. He finds more interst in working with this specfic boy he had to work with on a history essay: Remus Lupin. Sirius had initiated a few interactions with Remus Lupin. Last Wednesday he asked the other boy if he could lend him his notes , much to James´ irritation but Remus didin´t seem to mind. 

He recently talked to James about how he should stop picking on Remus and his Ginger friend. He imediatley regretted speaking up on this topic since James had asked him if he fancied the ginger girl in a mocking tone. Sirius only scoffed denied truthfully, with little sucsess, James remained to mock him about the topic the rest of the week.

Like on Friday when he asked what the ginger girls name was. The girl made a supicious looking face and shortly remplied with „Lily“ before she turned on her heels and hurriendly walked away in Remus` direction who had shot James a glare. James only turned at Sirius and smirked. ,What a prat´sirius thought and sighed.

With the all the recent events happening and his confusion whether he liked that boy Remus or if he despised him , he choked on his breath as the boy approached him in their English class and asked if sirius wanted to be his partner. Sirius only stared at him and much to his suprise the boy just sat down.

„I take this as a ,absolutley I would love to´“ he said half smiling at him.   
Sirius smiled back and noded before asking:  
„Seems a sif I´m not the worst partner to work with huh?“  
Remus shook his head and they began to work. 

Sirius secretly asked himself i fit was a coinsidence that they had to do loads of group work in alsmost every Subject, but he didnt really mind.

A few moments in he caught the other boy looking at him, he looked back and felt himself blushing a bit so he quickly glanced back at his macBook. He felt an akward tangeling in his stomache but purposely ignored this irritation.  
At the end oft he lesson they quickly said goodbye and left into different directions. 

He spotted James in the hallway and caught up to him.  
„Hiya are you alright?“  
„Yeah, i could ask you the same sice you seem to abandom me for this Lupin kid. Whats the matter with you and him? Are you still using him for your grades?“  
„No I am not actually I think he isnt such a big prick anymore, he can be really nice.“

„You sound like a lovesick prat, you know that? Anywas I heard that Mary McDonald fancies you, so why don´t you give it a go and go out with her sometime?“  
„No mate I mean she is pretty and stuff but I am not really interested.“  
„you are weird half oft he boys would kill to go out with her!“  
„ Well i said I´m not interested so leave it be!“ Sirius snapped and continued to walk to their next class in complete silence.  
He didn´t even know why he had snapped at James but he really wasn´t up for all that girl stuff then.

Football training passed quickly that afternoon and he decided to quickly go to the libary. For one because he needed to return some books and also because he wanted to escape the terror at home. It had gotten worse the last two weeks but he didin´t see why; it was nothing new that his dad cheated on his mother so why take it out on him? He sighed loudly and looked at his fresh scar on the back of his hand.

His mother had smashed a wineglas during one of their heated arguments and one pice of glas hit his hand. It wasn´t that bad, he had gotten away pretty lucky compared to other times. For example when his mother slapped him across the face and shoved him onto the ground while yelling and telling him how he was a horrible son and a disgrace to their family. 

Sirius still curses himself because he lets it all get to him, of course he never experienced love at home but it still hurts him to seen how his family hates him but treates his brother like an angel.

He was just about to turn around the corner to enter thr libary as he walked into a tall figure. He looked up and noticed that he had just ran into Remus Lupin.   
„Oh I am sorry let me help you with this“ Sirius croacked quite suprised as he began to pick up the books the boy had dropped because of him.  
„Thanks Black. What are you up to?“  
„Just wanted to renturn some books“  
„Alright,“ Remus hesitates for a second „ Do you want to garb a coffee after that?“  
„Yeah sure just wait here it won´t take long.“

Sirius hurried into the libary to return his books, actively ignorng the flips his stomache made at the thought of grabbing a coffe with Remus Lupin and acknowledging the fact that Remus must quite like him since he asked him tto spend some time together.

„Hogshead?“, Remus asked as soon as he returned.  
„Yeah sure.“ Sirius answered with a small smille on his face. 

He was quite relived to have an excuse to spend some more time outside of his home.

They talked a bit about their classes and school work in general. They entered the hogshead about fifteen minutes later an das they entered at least five girls sat up alittle straighter as they spotted Sirius. He didn´t have any interest in flirting with any of them so he just followed Remus to a free table in a corner. He ordered an iced coffe and Remus ordered a large green tea. Of course he did Sirius thought to himself.  
„So tell me why are you all nice all oft he sudden? It seems like you have changed a lot , I mean who would have thought that you would spend time with me?“  
This question kind of caught Sirius off guard: „ Ehrm I don´t know YYI just think that you are great company. And I take every chance to be as far away from home as possible.“

As these words came out of his mouth he imediatley regretted saying that. But much to his suprise Remus reacted quite well.

„Well you aren´t as bad yourself and I can completely understand you. I stay in the library quite often until it closes so I know what youre talking about.“ Sirius stomache flipped and he smiled geniunley.

„Thanks. Anyways are your parents as bad as mine or what leads you to avoiding home?“  
„Well i don´t know how you would define bad but my Stepdad is a dick.“  
„I am sorry…“ Sirius answerd because he didn´t really know what else to say.  
„It´s alright we just don´t get along at all and my mom… well she doesn´t want to pick sides so she basically ignores everything that goes on. It has been like that for a while now. Sice my dad died everything just went kind of downhill at home.“

Sirius felt a huge urge to hug Remus and comfort him but he didn´t,it woud have been weird , right?  
„I am really sorry for that, Remus!“  
„It´s alright, sometimes it´s just hard you know?“   
„Yeah. I´m here if you need anything okay?“  
Remus nodded in response and gave him a smile.

„So what about you?“  
„Huh?“   
„Your home situation.“  
„Oh right… erm it´s just my mum being crazy. We argue all the time and since my dad is barely at home and my brother´s at his fancy boarding school there is basically no way to escape her and she lets out everything on me.“

„That sucks. I´m really sorry….Anyways now you have me and snice we share the same fate we can spend time together right?“  
Remus asked with a grin on his lips as he looked Sirius straight in the eyes.

„Yes sure.“ Sirius asked blushing a bit. To hide the fact that his stomache flopped he took a big sip from his coffee.

They continued to talk about less saddening topics and Sirius really enjoyed Remus´ dry and sarcastic humor. He alomst felt sad as Remus looks at his phone and makes a unpleased noise.  
„I am really sorry but I have to head home now.“  
„No problem, really“  
„Okay I will go pay, it was really nice toady.“ Remus stopped in his tracks and looked Sirius in the eyes   
„I will see you around.“

Remus didn´t wait until Sirius could response and walked away, payed for the drinks and walked through the door.

Sirius decided to just head home too, in hopes that his mother would leave him alone, so he put on his leather jacket and walked home. It was a short way from the hogshead to his home, luckily since the weather in London is shite, especially in janurary.

While he walked down the street he got lost in his thoughts. His thoughts that involved Remus. Sirius was quite happy about the new friendship between him and Remus. The way he didn´t judge his family and how he always had a sarcastic answer for everything. 

But it didn´t feel the same way as with James, with James he never felt himself blushing or felt his stomache flop like that. But he came to the conclusion that it was probably just because he already knew James for a very long time that he was almost family. 

Remus was new. It all felt different with him. Different but in no way bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> their first date thats not a date????  
> \--  
> I will probably update again towmorrow!!!


	3. Weddings and Friendships

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: homphobia, sexual content kind of?

Sirius met up with James only a few days after his meet-up with Remus.   
This time he decided to pay attention to his body and check wheter it was normal to feel that way he did when Remus was around.But he came tot he realization that he didn´t feel that way around James.

Sirius would have lied if he said that it didn´t make him worry at all. He found himself wondering what was wrong more and more often over the next few days. His confusion was mixed with irritation which led him to behave quite akward around Remus the day they met up in the libary.

„Erm are you alright there?“  
„Yeah , fine , sorry,“  
„Okay if you say so.“

Sirius shifted uncomfortably in his seat and tried to concentrate on his assignments rather that his tingeling stomache. It drove Sirius quite crazy that he couldn´t behave around Remus all oft he sudden. 

On a Friday afternoon in the beginning of march he he got interrupted in his study session by his screaming mother.He headed downstairs lowkey terrified and saw his mother leaning agains the kitchen table with a letter in her hands. 

„Mother, is everything okay?“ he asked in his most polite tone.  
Much to his suprise his mother handed him the letter. 

„Wedding ivitation  
When? 10th May 2021  
Where? One marylebone, london  
Time? 13:00 o´clock  
Dresscode: Everything but white&black  
We would love to see you at our wedding. Tell us wheter you come or not until 10th of april.  
Alphard& Hugo“

Sirius quietly read the letter and was a little bit shocked. He never new that his uncle was in love with a man. But he imediatley told himself that this wouldn´t change anything. Uncle Alpahard was still one oft he few people in his family that aren´t completly crazy.

„So are we going the wedding, mother?“  
„Have you gone completely crazy now?“ his mother screamed at his face,looking furious.

„Of course we are not going to their sinful action. He is not our family anymore. He is a disgrace! Don´t even think about going there behind my back! Go to your room and don´t come out until tommorrow!  
His mother´s face was red and Sirius knew that he shouldn´t provoke her in any kind when she is in such a mood.

He quickly turned around and walked to his room. As he shut his door he let out a loud sigh.

He knew that his parents and especially his mother had very controvercial and slightly right winged views. But that she reacted the way she did competely shoked him, Uncle Alpahard was family, how could they not accept him? He felt an akward feeling in his stomache, he suddenly felt sick.

Then the question that he buried deep down popped up on his head:  
what if he was gay? 

He shook his his head, he wasn´t! He had kissed girls in the past so how could he be? But then he thought of Remus, he was really pretty- Sirius let out a frustrated noise and got in his bed, he decided to spend the rest oft he day watching Netflix to distract himself.

Sirius woke up from a very strange dream he had, he dreamed about Remus. Remus smiling. Remus looking at him. Remus holding his hand. Remus kissing him on the lips.   
Sirius felt dizzy, what just happend? He let out a strangled noise reaching for air as he realized it. He was hard. He was hard after having a strange dream about his mate.

He panicked inwardly and got out of bed to take a hot shower and to get rid of his problem…

The school day was relaxing so far, he already finished all his assignments so there was nothing to worry about. He caught up on james in the hallway.

„Hiya mate, do you have a free peroid?“  
„Yeah, lets go grab a coffe alright?“

Sirius smiled and nodded lightly. He wanted to ask james about his problem but he was scared of James´ reaction or was it normal to fream about another boy in that way?

„So what´s up?“  
„Ehrm, what do you mean?“ Sirius asked lightly confused, fidgeting with his hands.  
„You have been very odd lately, is there anything you want to talk about?“  
„I- no, not really.“  
„Well okay, you know I`m always here for you, you´re my best mate, understood?“  
„Yeah, thank you, really“

James smiled, he remainded silent but after a bit he asked:

„So are you going to your uncles wedding?“  
„No, I mean I would love to but if my darling moter would find out I would probably be in deep shit. I think uncle Alphard will understand tho, I´m going to write him a letter.“  
„Sounds good, I am really sorry that your parents are such pricks.“

Sirius barked a laugh „yeah you can say that loud!“

After grapping a coffe they walked back in silence and James told Sirius how he had the pleasure to meet Lily, Remus´friend and how lovely she is.  
„Sirius, I think she could be the one!“  
„Eh didn´t you hate her only a few months ago?“   
„Didn´t you hate Remus only a few months ago?“

Defeated and taken aback Sirius contiued to listen to James talking about Lily and what he wants to do to get her to date him.Sirius took only little interest in that topic.He didn´t really know what to say since James rarely knew her or had any long interactions with her. 

But who was he to judge? He thought about everything that had happend the last few months. 

Everything but also nothing changed, it was a strange situation.

As he came home that evening he directly got into bed to sort out his problem: What was this whole Remus thing about? What the hell was wrong with him all of the sudden? Could he talk to anyone about that, would James judge him? He was overwhelmed and felt a tear running down his cheek.   
He reached for air and tried to hold the tears back but in the end he just let them flow down and eventually drifted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius (still oblivious of his sexuality) Black lmao sorry


	4. Hints and having lunch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no specific TWs!!!

The next week Sirius decided to just spend some more time with Remus, in hopes that this would make it clear that Remus and he were mates and that the whole situation was normal.

He walked up to Remus and asked him if he wanted to have lunch together some time. To his suprise Remus gave him a large , beautiful smile and it seemed as if his brown eyes sparkled in excitement for a second. Remus agreed and they decided to meet up at Friday. 

As Friday came around sirius was very nervous and anxious, he cursed himself for it. He still convinced himself that his weird feelings had something to do with the fact that Remus was different than anyone he had met before. But a little part of himself didn´t even belive him and that made him ten times more nervous throughout the day. 

In the morning he changed three times until he was pleased enough, he wore black baggy jeans with a turtleneck and his favorite leather jacket.

As he arrived at school James shot him a suprised look which offended Sirius a little bit.  
„Hiya, you look nice today, do you have a date or something?“  
„Hey mate, no I don´t. I´m just meeting Remus at lunch.“

„And that´s surely not a date?“James asked with raised eyebrows and a cocky smile.

„What I- No of course not.“Sirius found himself blushing and sighed qietly. Does James think that I am gay? Am I gay?? He thought a little bit scared.  
„I mean that wouldn´t be a problem at all, just so you know.“James said calmly as he padded Sirius on the back. 

Sirius looked quite pale and this interaction really didn´t make anything better, in fact it made it way harder to remain calm and to deny the fact that he really could be gay. Sirius felt so sick that he had the huge urge to just head home and tell Remus that he didn´t fel well. But he decided against that and tried his best to cocentrate during his lessons.

At midday he walked to the school gates and waited anxiously for Remus to turn up. He didn´t have t wait too long, Remus walked straight in his direction with a small smile on his face.

He was wearing a blue vintage jumper and brown baggy jeans. His hair looked lighter in the sunlight and his brown eyes looked beautifully golden. Remus approached Sirius and greeted him with a huge smile.

„Hello, sorry I´m a little late. I know this really good chinese restaurant thats not too far away, sounds good?“  
„Hiya, yeah.. lead the way.“

They chattered a bit about their week and Remus told him how Lily always talked about James that it became a little bit creepy and Sirius told him that James did the same thing. They laughed and agreed that they would make a good and funny couple.

At the restaurant Remus opened the door for Sirius and as Sirius pased him he could smell him, he smelled like chocolate, cigaretts, books and something reminded him of autumn. Sirius had never found someones smell so comforting. 

They sat down on a small table and ordered their food. They talked a little bit and Sirius glanced up at him all the time, hoping that it would go unnoticed. Remus told him about this art project he is really passionate about and Sirius couldn´t help but stare at him. The way Remus talked about thigs he loves makes his heart flatter. He gazed at his lips; they were so soft and light pink, very beautiful in his opinion.

„Yeah I have known James since like forever he is like another brother for me.“  
„Thats sounds very beautiful.“  
„it is, he is just always there for me and doesn´t judge me because of my family and stuff.“  
„I am really happy for you, really. It is like that with me and Lily even tho we don´t know eachother for ages it feels like it. She always supports me.“

„She sounds like a lovely person, I am more and more convinced that she and James would be perfect together!“

„Yeah, me too. Who would have known that I woud sit in a restaurant with Sirius Black and talk about his Friend and Lily being a dream- couple“, he laughs heartly.  
„Right? It´s crazy…… And I wanted to say sorry that I was like a huge prick to you especially Last year.“  
„It´s already forgtten.“

„It´s just that my family was in a horrible state at that time and I don´t know I probably didn´t know how to cope otherwise you know? Thats not really an excuse I know but you should know that I am actually sorry.“

Remus smiled at him „Thank you, it´s okay really. I just hope that your family is better now.“  
„Well there were worse times.“  
„I can totally relate to that.“, he replied a little bit sad.

Sirius reached out for his arm and gave it a squeeze, inwardly regretting it because everything began to tangle and he felt himself getting a little hot. But the other boy clearly appreciated the comforting gesture and changed the topic to a lighter, less deep one.

„So do you reckon that we should plan something to get Lily and James to date?“   
„I think that they could need a lotlle bit of help but I know how furious Lily would get if I set her up or something.“  
Sirius barked a lagh and threw his head back „Yeah I couold imagine that. I have to admit that I am kinda scared of her!“ 

Remus Eyes light up and he laughed „Yeah she can be intimidating but she wouldn´t hurt a fly!“

Sirius realized how comfortable he felt around the other boy in that moment, oit all felt so genuine that he waned to learn more about the other boy so badly.   
„You know I have always wanted to get a motorbike, it´s one of my biggest dreams to be honest.  
„Yeah, it would fit the image.“  
„The image?“ Sirius asked as he quirked an eyebrow.  
„You know, your style and stuff,“ Remus clarified in a low voice „I think that it would really suit you, you know?“  
Sirius laughed lightly „Yeah, tanks... I understand what you mean, James said the same thing but he is so worried that I would die or something that he still tries to convince me not to buy one as soon as I graduate.“

Remus nodded knowingly „Yeah I mean we don´t want you to get hurt.“ Remus´ eyes were filled with something intense, new, something breathtaking.  
Sirius was a hundered percent that he blushed and just hummed in response as he took a sip from his drink to hide his emotions.

For a short moment Sirius thought that Remus noticed his blush and wanted to say something but he obviously decided against it. Instead he just quirked a plased smile.  
They remained silent for a while, it was not an unpleasent situation tho. 

Sirius used this as a chance to analyze the other boys´ features a little futher. He gazed at a scar he had already noticed before, a scar that reached from his eyebrow tot he opposite cheek. It looked pretty and matched everything else, Sirius was amazed how nothing could make Remus appear less pretty. 

Remus seemed to sense that Sirius was looking at him since he met the other boy´s eyes and titled his had a bit.  
Sirius got a little bit embarassed and felt exposed.   
„What erm…“

„You want to know what happend?“ Remus asked as he pointed to his scar with his index.  
Sirius nodded slightly and the other boy sighed deeply. He opened his mouth to say something a couple of times as if he consdered it whether to tell Sirius or not, but decided against it , a few moments later Remus just shrugged and said :“Well that is a story for antother time.“  
Sirius, slightly caught off guard by the sudden coldness from the other boy just nodded „yeah sure.“ And smiled reassurendly which seemed to calm the other boy down again

They talked about music for a while and and ate their, very delicious but a little too spicy food. 

Some time passed before Remus gazed up at him:

„You´ve got something there“, he said and pointed as his own lips to show Sirius.  
„Is is gone?“ Sirius asked helplessly.

Remus didn´t respond and reached out with his hand to Sirius´s lips which made Sirius hold his breath. As Remus touched Sirius´ lips with his finger and looked him into the eyes his stomache flopped and it felt as if a firework had just exploded in his chest.

He knew that he probably flushed furiously and broke eyecontact with the other boy.

„Oh… thanks“, he croaked with an unstable voice.

Remus only smiled and continued to eat his food. Sirius could have screamed in that exact moment. It was unbelivably hard for him to concentrate and follow th other boys words snice he was still in a shocked condition.

His brain repeated the scene all over again and it was still very hard to breathe. What a mess.

The rest oft he lunch flew by very fast and before he could process everything he found himself saying goodbye to Remus and walking home. 

He shut the door of his room and sighed.

He never felt like he did the last few hours, it was an intimitating but very nice feeling after all. He repeated the whole Lunch in his head as he laied in bed. He analyzed everything Remus had said and reminded him of every time he looked up at Sirius or laughed. He felt helpless and irritated. 

It all confused him on another level. After hours of worrying in his bed and analyzing everything he had said that day he finally let out the tears he had held back for a while now. 

He curled himself up under his blanket and sniffed loudly. His thoughts were messing with his head: 

Shit- I think I am…-- he braethed in and out a few times to calm down,  
I think I am –gay….. And I have a thing for Remus Lupin

He began to cry a little harder.

,Fuck´ hemuttered under his breath before he slowly drifted to sleep.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally!!!


	5. James I-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: homophobia, abuse

That afternoon Sirius took the bus to James house, He had spontainiously decided to adress the topic- of him being – gay. 

He hesitated as he sttod in front of James´ door. He finally nocked after standing there for about five miutes like a lost puppy. James opend the door with a huge grin on his face and gestured Sirius to come inside. They akwardly remained silent until they reached James´room.

„Ehrm I wanted to talk to you…“  
„I figured so.“ James laughed and the mood instantly brightend up a little bit and Sirius felt encouraged.

„James I-„ There was a long silence where both of them just stared at each other, both obviously unsure what to say.

James sat there with a rare look on his face, it was a soft and reassuring look mixed with a worried expression.  
„You know you will always be my best friend no matter what I love you, okay?“

Sirius nodded silently and felt a single tear running down his left cheek. He took a deep breath in.  
„I think- ….. I mean I know that I- ehrmm – 

James I like men.“

Sirius couldn´t help but let out another tear and a long breath. He looked up at James who smiled lightly.

„Sirius It´s okay.“ James walked towards Sirius and pulled him into a hug. Sirius couldn´t help but ask : 

„ So you don´t hate me or anything?“  
„God no, of course not!“  
Sirius let go oft he hug and smiled as he looked James into the eyes.

„What if I tell you that I kind of suspected?“

„Oh god was it so obvious?“ Sirius asked in shock with a look of terror in his face and a shaky voice.

„No not at all but I have always wondered why you don´t really enjoy the attention you get from all the girls and after I saw you blushing like a little girl while talking to Remus i put two and two together.“ James chuckled ligtly. 

„Oh well it took me a little longer to figure that out to be honest.And while we are at it, I may have a crush on Remus?“

James barked a laugh and nudged him in the arm „ Tell me everything.“  
„You don´t think that it´s weird?“  
„No, you had to listen to me talking about Lily non stop too.“

Sirius laughed heartly at this „ You´re right. Well it all sarted as we met up for our history essay…..“

They sat down and Sirius told james everything that happend and sometimes James couldn´t help but laugh hat Sirius´ stupidness. Sirius wasn´t offended and he understood how riddiculous everything sounded.

„Yeah so when be got Uncle Alpahards´ wedding invitation and my mother got competely mental I got really scared and everything so I tried to convince myself that I am not- you know- gay.“  
„I am really sorry, also for the fact that you felt like you couldn´t tell me, really.“  
„Thank you…“

And once again James pulled Sirius into a hug. Sirius will always remember him coming out to James and think what a perfect person James is.

They talked until late at night and Sirius had to walk home at about 2 am since none of the busses drove at that time. 

As soon As stepped through the door of his house his mother walked straight towards him and slapped him across the face.

„How dare you being out at night that late after your curfew?“ She screamed, her eyes filled with anger and disgust.  
Sirius felt his anxiety rising and he stammered : „ I am really sorry mother, I was at James´ and-“

„I really do not care where you have been! Get out of my sight! And for your information you are grounded for a week now, If you make one mistake I will put three weeks on top.“ She said in a low and incredibly cold voice.

Sirius nodded and hurried upstairs. Well that went downhill really fast. He didn´t want to think about that anymore and went staright to bed.

The week passed fast and it seemed as if he hadn´t seen Remus for ages. As he walked down the hallway of his school the other day Lily approached him much to his suprise. 

„Hey, Sirius.“ She asked a little less confident than he had imagened her.  
„Hi, ehrm whats up?“ he asked and smiled warmly which led to Lily gaining her confidence back.

„Oh I just wanted to ask you if you have seen Remus, i haven´t really seen him around and since you seem to get along quite well I thought…“

„Oh, no not really since our.. erm since we met up fot lunch the other day.“ He said with his anxiety rising and his stomache flipping.  
Lily smiled amused and knowingly, it seemed as if she knew things he didn´t. This thought made his chest burn in excitementb but he tried to supress the feeling since It shouldn´t mean anything.

„Right,yeah. Thanks, I am just gonna…“, she gestured tot he exit of school and Sirius nodded and walked away.

That was weird. It felt as if she wanted to give him some kind of hint. Sirius hardly tried to supress these thoughts since he didn´t want to get his hopes up. He became more and more confident with his realization; That he was in fact gay and fancied another bloke who was no other that Remus Lupin.

But even if he slowly accepted the fact it didn´t change the way he felt when thinking about his mother ffinding out. He was sure that she wouldn´t hesitate and kick him out straight away. Even tho he hated home he couldn´t imagine being homless at nearly seventeen. He just didn´t want to risk it for a boy who didn´t like him back, In fact who wasn´t even intersted in blokes the way Sirius was.

He tried his best to behave normal and just continue his friendship with Remus. Of course this was said easier than done.

The next week, Remus approached Sirius during lunchbreak, fortunately Sirius was alone since James spent his break with Lily.Sirius believed that the whole situation would have been very akward if James sat near by, also because James tended to take matters in his own hands which often led to ebarassments and akward situations which Sirius tried to avoid with Remus.

„Hey, long time no see,“  
„Hey, yeah. It´s nice to see you.“ Sirius smiled a huge smile.  
„I have been quite busy lately, had some stress at home. I just didn´t want you tot hink that I had just ran off the other day to avoid you after.“ Remus said and sighed a relived sigh.  
„Oh, no worries, Remus.“

„Good because i had fun that day and wanted to know if you would want to meet up again?“

Remus bit his lip nervously and tugged his too large olive green sweather with one hand. Sirius wasn´t really sure but this felt oddly like flirting, nervous and unshure flirting.

„Yeah , sure!“ Sirius said a little too enthusiasticly for his own liking „What about next Friday?“  
Remus looked Sirius in the eyes and Sirius wondered if he had ever seen such pretty and loving brown eyes before.

„Sounds good, we could go the black lake if you want? How is 13:30?“  
„Perfect, i can bring some snacks too…“ Sirius said with a sudden lack of confidence.  
„Okay, yeah, good, I will see you at the parking lot on Friday then.“ Remus said joyfully and clearly relived that Sirius didn´t decline.  
Sirius grinned from ear to ear and nodded minutely. 

„I better get going..“ Remus said in a low voice after a few moments had passed where they just stared at eachother.  
„Yeah, right, see you then.“ Sirius answered slightly caught off guard and blushing a bit.  
Remus shot him a last confident grin and turned away.

Sirius let out a shaky breath he held in for a while now. He couldn´t think straight and it appeared to him as if his feelings towards Remus only grew stronger since he allowed himself to feel. It all kind of frustrated him knowing that he was probably not getting anywhere with Remus. But then a small voice appeared in his head. Maybe he had a chance. Maybe.. With that he recalled the image of Remus being all anxious while simply asking his mate if he was free to meet up. It all made small sense and Sirius forbidd himself to jump to conclusions which might ruin his relationship with Remus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we are getting there

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading & futher support!!!!


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